It’s Father’s Day next weekend and it got me thinking about leaders who are parents. It gave me the idea to reflect on the work that you do inside and outside of the office. You are:
Mom or Dad to your littles and your fur babies…
A Wife or Husband…
A Leader of a school…
A Teacher…
A Hockey mom, Hockey Dad, coach, manager to all different kinds of sports…
The control center to all things scheduling in your household…
The professional moods manager…
The finder of all lost things…
The problem solver…
The Fun Police….
Right?! I am sure that I can add even more titles to your already ever flowing list of titles that you become in a day or even a minute. The truth is these titles can be overwhelming and exhausting but they are also pretty amazing. The thing is….you are all of these things and more than “just” those things. You are everything to so many people and I think it is so important to celebrate that and recognize that you are one amazing human being for trying to do it all and be it all. You already are doing it all and being it all. Even though it may not feel like that at times.
So, the question in this week’s blog post is…how can we finally feel like we are more than ‘just.’ Just means those mundane, every day moments that sometimes can make us feel unseen, when actually you are in that moment because you ARE SEEN AND NEEDED THE MOST. You are seen by your kids when you are just the means to travelling from sport to sport. You are the most needed when you are leading a school, a business, or a team. You are seen by your spouse every single day for comfort, frustration, venting, and love. You see, ‘just’ is important because it is exactly what needs to happen at that moment and you are the person who makes it happen for others. The important thing is to make those moments of ‘just’ not ‘just’ for others but for yourself as well.
I know I have always looked for more. I have asked myself, “Is this it?” over and over again. So much so, that I am missing the ‘just’ moments. You know…those normal and mundane moments that may be the key to feeling more fulfilled and feeling more joy out of those ‘just’ moments. How can we be more fulfilled with exactly who we are and what we have now? I thought I would really take a deep dive into these questions and really be intentional about finding some clarity in these questions. The one thing that keeps coming up over and over again as I analyzed, researched, monitored my own mama leader moods, and watched other people do this leadership and parenting thing, was the importance of finding joy, gratitude, and being present in the routine and mundane moments. I know… not rocket science but….really, really hard to do sometimes.
Mindset needs intention. It needs a constant check in and recalibration a million times a day. But instead of recalibrating it to what do I need to do next. I tried to think of what joy has showed up in this moment? What is going right instead of what is going wrong? What am I so thankful for? You are doing enough, you are enough, and you are doing great. No matter what you tell yourself. You really are more than ‘just’ that. As the old saying goes, “you are never a prophet in your own land,” but you are there because you are seen and needed in order to make it all happen.
I am an action step kind of girl and I like to create roadmaps with specific how to steps for EVERYTHING I do. I think I got this from my own mama. She had an itinerary and a deadline for everything. The thing is, by focusing on less and being more intentional with what you choose to focus on makes a bigger impact. As long as you stick with it, commit to it, and do the work. Now for some tips to help to find the calm in the storm of ‘just’ and all of the hats that you wear as a parent and a leader.
Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up, inspire you, and nudge you. A community of like-minded people will create that sense of accountability to finding joy in the ‘just’ moments. They will be there to make you think, give you new ideas, hope and restore you. No matter what, we need connection to people who perhaps are further along the way in the parenting and leadership journey , right there beside you, and the people who will go after you.
Breathe and make intentions. Each day make an intention to find joy in the hard moments that occur that day. When you are in it, breathe and pause. You know these hard moments are coming so prepare for them with the intent to find joy, a pause, and learning in them. This is hard but it works. At the end of the day, think about the hard moments or mundane moments and find one piece of positivity in that. You can think about it or journal it. I have a power down routine that I set up every day where I make an intention to look at my calendar and reflect on what I got done and the joy in the ‘just’ moments. Either way, make an intention to notice it. Then go to sleep with the grace that you did well today.
Work on a passion just for you. It will restore you. If it is writing, start a blog just for fun. If it is exercise, go and get out for a walk. If it is cooking, take a class. If it is hockey, join a league. Gardening? Grow a garden, dig into that and learn more about it. Learning more about a passion will light you up and may even stem into your own entrepreneurial journey. But then, also make sure it is visible to your kids, your spouse, your friends, and your staff. Talk about how it rejuvenates you with the intention to highlight the importance of you doing things “just” for you in hopes of inspiring others to follow their passions. Kids will see you having fun and it makes them so happy to see their mama or dad happy. Teachers will see their leader embracing a passion and they may just do that for themselves which will help to restore their energy too. Think about it, as kids we were happier. Why? Because we did exactly what we wanted and what we loved. Bring that back for yourself. That will help lift up the ‘just’ moments because you feel fulfilled.
Let your kids teach you something they love. Kids as in your own and/or your students. While you are ‘just’ teaching them or ‘just’ taking them to a park, ask them to teach you something. If they longboard, ask them to teach you. Maybe they can show you how to rap while you are driving them to their game. Whatever it is, try one thing they love to do and see the joy that comes out of that ‘just’ moment. I know I used to think I was too tired for this and I was. But I tried it anyway. I asked my daughter to teach me how to long board and I instantly became happier, more energized, and fulfilled. It transformed a routine and mundane moment into a memory for a lifetime. It works, just try it.
Less Is More. You don’t have to do it all. Just do it with gratitude and give yourself grace that you are enough.
It is true, our hearts will always feel a little pulled in all directions. As I reflect on how our hearts are doing as leader mamas or dads I am reminded of the verse by LR Knost:
“Life is amazing. and then it is awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.”
We are not meant to walk the same path, lead, or parent the same way but no matter what, you matter and are so much more than ‘just that.’ In fact, you are everything to the little ones who watch you every single day. How cool is that?
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