We make a lot of decisions as leaders. It’s one of the most terrifying parts of the job for me. Really….decisions drive me b-a-n-a-n-a-s because I am always second guessing and white knuckling my way through. And we won’t even talk about the fear of being wrong about the decision…I find myself so tied to those decisions and if they didn’t go the way I thought they would then I really am hard on myself. I learned that that is just not the way to go about decision making. It was driving me a little bonkers and taking over my headspace when I should have been present somewhere else. Instead, I learned to look for ways to get to the point where you give yourself grace and realize you did the best you could. Wrong decisions or perhaps decisions you weren’t happy with the outcome, allow new doors to open up. If I’m so tied to something that I didn’t get; or I’m so scared to make that wrong decision; I feel the anxiety bubbling; I am so focused on that, I see nothing else around me. Doors could be opening left and right, and I don’t even see them because I’m so hyper focused on what I’m not getting. I have learned that I need to let go of that harshness I place on the decisions I have made. I now realize that when I make a decision or something happens and I’ve done my best, I step back and I let the universe lead the way.
Now don’t get me wrong…this peaceful decision making state of mind does not come easy. I still struggle every day with the monster in my gut that makes me question every decision. I still have the ‘what if’ thoughts that are on loop spinning inside of my head. But I have learned to not give it so much power, time, and energy. I try so hard not to let it manifest. Here are a few things that have helped give me some peace with decision making.
Find a mantra or something you can say or think about to remind you to let the universe lead the way. (Porterfield, 2022) Ok…some of you may think this is cheesy but this is a really quick and easy reminder to tame your monster in your gut. It does help. I got this one from Amy Porterfield, and the mantra is, “If it is out of my hands then it should be out of my mind” (Porterfield, 2022). I literally think of the decision as a package that is being handed off to someone and sent away. As I wait for the delivery of the results, I think of this mantra and it quickly reminds me to get it together and move on. “Get it together” is also a favorite mantra of mine! In fact, it is my tough love mantra that forces me to keep going, let things go and trust fate works itself out. That is the power of mantras. Words really do matter. Words and modelling are at the heart of influence and so we really do need to pay attention to the words that we allow to enter our gut. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy.
The next thing that I often do for big decisions to help me streamline the pro and cons, is use color coded sticky notes to decide on the big rocks, the medium rocks, and the pebbles. This helps me to bring clarity to the pros and cons of my decisions. I often brain dump all of the pros and cons on sticky notes. One idea per sticky note. Then I gut it. I choose the big rocks and write them on blue sticky notes. The big rocks are the big deciding factors that will sway me one way or another. Next, I organize the medium size pros and cons into the yellow sticky notes and sort them accordingly. The rest are the gravel or pebbles and don’t really make a difference in my decision making. This helps bring me find clarity as to what points matter the most when considering my decision and reduces the number of options. It helps me to decide what truly matters and then I go from there. This activity helps me to unpack the decision quickly and effectively and so when I don’t have time to pull out my sticky notes, I simply can unpack the big rocks in my mind and be more confident in the decisions. I highly recommend this activity to get you started so that you can eventually do this mentally and on the spot as well!
Wait What? My decision didn’t work out???? This used to hit me hard. But now I just ask myself the question, wait what? You know….that saying that all the teenagers say now…. yep that one. By asking myself, ‘wait what?’ brings me clarity. ‘Wait’ as in let me analyze how the decision worked out and ‘what’ brings clarity to what I could learn from and do better for next time. Or sometimes I even ask myself the question before I make the decision. ‘Wait’ reminds me to pause and reflect and ‘What’ reminds me to bring clarity to the decision I have to make by quickly unpacking the details and asking questions for clarity.
This last one that helps me make decisions is to trust myself. I know that with decision making comes that fear. Neel Raman states there are types of fear that often come with decision making.
- Self-doubt and uncertainty.
- Fear of what can go wrong by imagining worse-case scenarios.
- Fear of being judged by others.
- Fear of looking foolish or stupid.
- Fear of the costs of making mistakes or the wrong decision.
- Experiencing decision fatigue.
- Inability to process complex decisions. (Raman, 2018)
He states that this fear is so common and that it is important to trust that you will make the right decision. In order to trust and relieve that fear, he gave me a few ideas that I wanted to share with you that really helped me.
- Use the 5/5/5 rule. This rule allows us to check in with our emotions and plan for future ones. How will you feel 5 minutes, 5 months and 5 years from now? Will you have regret or joy? Naturally, you will want to make decisions that will give you more joy.
- Determine the cause of any indecision. Whenever you’re indecisive, there’s usually fear that’s coming up. Look at what the real fear is and the cause of it. The more you understand your decision-making process, the better quality decisions you’ll make.
- Evaluate the pros and cons. We all know that most things in life come with positive and negative consequences. You can imagine having already decided. You can also ask yourself questions like, “If I make this decision, will it move me closer to what I want or where I want to be?”
- Reduce the number of options you have. The more choices you have, the harder it is to decide. If you have two or three options, it’s much easier to decide. You can eliminate options by being bold and getting rid of them. The sticky note activity is a great one to do to unpack your options!
- Tap into your intuition. Your inner guidance system is a powerful resource you have to make quality decisions. This is often referred to as a hunch, gut feeling, an inkling, or a knowing. The better you can harness and strengthen your intuition, the more confidence you’ll have in your decision-making ability. The good news is your intuition is never wrong. (Raman, 2018)
You have to make so many decisions in a day and it can drain you. Trust yourself with the decisions you made and then let them go. You know to your core that with hard work, patience, and a little bit of dirt under your fingernails, good things eventually come if sometimes you make a misstep with a decision you made. Go with that always. Things always work themselves out. Time heals the decision and the best part is that you learn from it. And don’t worry…there is always another decision waiting for you!
By the way, sometimes decision making involves including others at your table to help you. Download my free guide that is all about engaging your table of mentors. Download it here!
Have you joined our private facebook group called Principals and Leadership yet? Don’t forget to check out my website too!
Porterfield, A. (2022). Steal These Mantras to Keep You Going . On Online Marketing Made Easy Podcast [Online sound recording]. A. Porterfield (Director).
Raman, N. (2018, February 16). 5 Things You Can Do When You Struggle to Make a Decision. In Inspiring Greatness.
Even If You Miss..... 