Ok…this is a raw post this week. Maybe it feels a little more raw because I am a leader of a school, a tough love mama, learning a new school year, aaaannnnndddd we have been in hockey evaluations (tryouts) since the middle of August. Feedback has been living in these areas of my life and so it feels maybe like I need to give myself a little pep talk on how to embrace critics and give feedback in a more wonderous versus defensive way. In fact, everything in this blog post, is happening in real time in my life, ebbing and flowing, but always lurks. I am practicing these ideas I am about to share, modelling it with my own kids, and really really trying to follow these tips. When I do, it definitely helps my mindset and overall stress levels.
Disclaimer: sometimes it is really, really hard to face feedback or criticism. However, doing these tips are always worth the end result. I heard this statement from my superintendent: approach feedback with curiosity and wonder rather than defensiveness and judgement. It hit home for me and it works.
You know me, I like to tell stories and think of things using story. Well, feedback makes me think of the quote that Alice, from the movie Alice in Wonderland says when she is about to embark on an adventure. Right before she enters Wonderland, she says,
“Curiouser and curiouser! “
Remember when Alice encountered myriad characters in Wonderland, each offering their unique piece of advice or criticism? While it might’ve been overwhelming, it’s her curiosity that guided her journey. Just like Alice, we too encounter feedback in our own wonderlands. But how do we approach it?
In today’s fast-paced, interconnected world, feedback has become a huge part of our lives. Be it at work, within our social circles, family, or even from online communities, the voices that offer praises, critiques, or mere observations are ever-present. While many of us understand the value of feedback, truly internalizing and embracing it can be a challenge.
What if we began approaching feedback with a lens of curiosity and wonder instead of judgment and defensiveness? Let’s delve into this perspective shift.
The Nature of Feedback
First and foremost, it’s essential to remember that feedback is a gift. Yes…I know…even the bits that sting. It offers us an external perspective — an opportunity to see ourselves or our work from a vantage point that we may not have considered.
Yet, human nature often pushes us towards a defensive posture. After all, no one enjoys being told they are wrong or that there’s room for improvement. However, if we shift our mindset, we can approach criticism with the same intrigue as a child staring at a starry night – filled with wonder, asking questions, and seeking understanding.
Benefits of Approaching Feedback with Curiosity:
- Personal Growth: Holy cow have I ever had to work on my personal growth! However, the times that I grow the most, are when it is the most difficult. When we open ourselves up to critique, we also open doors to personal and professional development. By seeking to understand, we position ourselves to learn and adapt.
- Improved Relationships: Responding to feedback with genuine curiosity fosters respect and trust in interpersonal dynamics. It tells the giver that you value their perspective, even if you might not always agree.
- Innovative Thinking: Seeing through the lens of another can spark new ideas and ways of thinking. It can lead to innovative solutions that you might not have considered on your own.
How to Cultivate a Curious Approach:
- Pause and Breathe: If you are like me, I used to immediately jump to defending myself when someone gave me feedback. As I became more experienced in leadership, I learned that there are almost always people who are fans of your work and people who are not. Think Taylor Swift…the whole world is watching, but some are watching to give her the most critical feedback. So even TSwift has critics! When you first hear or read feedback, resist the immediate urge to react. Take a deep breath, count to three, and allow your initial emotions to settle.
- Seek Understanding: Before formulating a response, ask clarifying questions. “Can you explain why you feel this way?” or “Can you provide an example of what you mean?” can offer invaluable insights.
- Separate the ‘Personal’ from the ‘Performance’: Often, feedback pertains to the work, behavior, or output and not you as a person. Keeping this distinction clear in your mind can make it easier to digest criticism.
- Appreciate the Feedback Giver: Remember that providing feedback can be just as daunting as receiving it. Appreciate the effort and courage it took for someone to share their thoughts with you.
- Reflect and Analyze: Take some time to mull over the feedback. Does it align with other feedback you’ve received? Can you identify patterns or consistent areas for growth? Learn from it, set boundaries for your thinking to enable you to take the next step considering the feedback. Remember, you can only control you, so you decide how you want to move forward with the feedback.
- Remember Your Growth Journey: No one is perfect. Every piece of feedback is a stepping stone on your path to betterment. Cherish it.
Receiving feedback can be tough, poking at our vulnerabilities and highlighting our flaws. It often feels like a hit to our self-worth. The challenge is in separating the helpful advice from our emotional reactions and genuinely using the feedback for growth.
So there you have it! A little pep talk from the queen of self doubt when a critic enters my world. But feedback and criticism, though sometimes challenging to face, are golden opportunities for growth and enrichment. By swapping defensiveness for curiosity, we not only learn and evolve but also foster a culture of openness and mutual respect. So, the next time you are on the receiving end of feedback, remember to view it with wonder and gratitude. The sky is the limit for those who embrace the learning journey with an open heart.
P.S. Before you go…
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